Bear Mace Bear Maze

“Naw, that’s not nearly enough!”

“Three bears is plenty, you want to make sure you can still get out of the maze!”

We’re in San Diego and we’ve just finished painting the deck (another story there). Everyone’s pretty tired again.

“I don’t know, you want to make sure there’s enough bears to make it challenging…” Nick is adamant.

“Well, that just seems way too hard. You’re supposed to do that with just two cans of mace? How big is the maze?” I wonder.

The fumes of paint and solvent are pretty heavy in the cabin, with the deck painted we can’t really get away from it. I think I’m getting a headache.

“Do you get any respirator or anything?” Alex wants to know.

“No, no way. That’d be too easy.”

“OK, OK…twenty bears.”

“Twenty bears?!”


“I can live with that,” I say, “but you gotta have infinite cans of mace.”

“But as soon as you set off even one can you’ll be incapacitated! You gotta give them a respirator with that many cans.” says Alex, looking ready for a nap.

“Not if you run away while you spray! I mean, you gotta strategize…”

“Yeah, that way you can only spray when you really need to. That’ll keep it tough.”

“OK, perfect. Yeah, I would watch that reality TV show.”

“Freaking I’d go on that TV show, as long as the prize was worth it.” I say, really imagining it now.

Alex starts lying down, Nick and I still talking loud across the cabin, him in the bow, me sitting in the companionway.

“So…what are we going to do for the prize?…”


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5 Responses to Bear Mace Bear Maze

  1. Frances May says:

    Whhaaat?? Need more info!! This 85 yr. old just doesn’t get it!! Tell me more!

  2. Laurel says:

    Whhaaat?? Need more info!! This 27 yr. old just doesn’t get it!! Tell me more!

  3. Janis Denman says:

    I think the fumes got to you.

  4. Marita says:


  5. Lisa Kleeman says:

    Lets think about this, you’re only down the coast of CA at this point and you have dropped your basket already. That was quick.
    Don’t forget the alligator clips, must have alligator clips if you have mace and bears….
    – Aunt Icy

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